Friday 4th September 2009 ~ Full Moon in Pisces

I’m feeling a little better today. My flu/bronchitis thing seems to have eased thanks to the healing energy of my brothers and sisters here, the herbs I’m taking and of course getting enough rest. I’m still getting quite a few headaches though and sneezing plus the wheezing and cough hasn’t entirely gone but I am feeling better, which is great

scan0006-2Today I again pulled the Crimson Moon card and I really feel this has to do with my changing relationship with my daughter. As a few wise sisters have pointed out I am going through a kind of grieving process over the loss of my old role and to be honest I’d not even realised this. All I knew is I was feeling angry, frustrated and sad. But on contemplating this now I realise I am grieving. I am no longer the mother of old but have a new role as friend and perhaps mentor (if she’ll allow me to be). I wanted to protect her from making mistakes and from making the same mistakes as I made when I was young but I realise I cannot do this. She has to make her own way now and take responsibility for it. In addition, protecting her probably isn’t so good because I’d not be allowing her to make her own choices, which of course would be tampering with her own free will and that my friends is breaking the Wiccan Rede. I only just thought of that too in the last few days. I can’t believe I’d been so blind but of course I think it was a case of not seeing the wood for the trees.

Now I’ve settled back and released my grip things are going a little better and we are doing ok. However, having her and her boyfriend living here is something I really didn’t want and had hoped to avoid but plans changed and it couldn’t be avoided. I’m glad though that I put some ground rules down and limited his stay here to just a year – a temporary measure until he can get his own place fixed up at his parents house. I find it hard having them both live here because we are like two different units, them and me and want to do different things. They are young and don’t always think about others besides themselves. I guess that comes with age…LOL

Yesterday I received a book I’d bought about Nature Spirits – what a wonderful book! Here’s a short review I write about it:

A Short Review on the book ‘Nature Spirits and what they say’ ~ Interviews with Verena Stael von Holstein, edited by Wolfgang Weirauch

This is an amazing book! I received it through the post yesterday and finished reading it today. It isn’t hard as it’s written in such an engaging and sincere way.

The book consists of a series of interviews with nature spirits and Wolfgang, channelled through Verena. Here we meet elemental beings, house spirits, plant and animal spirits as well as tree nymphs and even a paper spirit. Their dialogue with the interviewer is engaging and very enlightening. Through these interviews we learn how to engage and communicate with nature spirits, what they are and what they do, what they like and dislike, and we learn of their place in the universe as well as that of humans and the future of the earth.

However, this book is slanted towards the beliefs of anthroposofism as both Verena and it seems Wolfgang are well versed in the works of Rudolf Steiner, and Verena herself is an anthroposofist. There is a definite ‘Christian’ flavour to the book. However, don’t let this put you off reading it. It is my belief that the elementals and nature beings communicate with us in a way in which we can understand, and that of course is individual and unique to each person. There is plenty in the book that is comprehensive no matter what one’s viewpoint, as long as a person is open minded and enquiring.

Reading this book has been very enlightening and in some places I felt as though a mirror was being held up to me – I didn’t always like what I saw but it’s probable that I needed to see that reflection in order to change. It has encouraged me to further my efforts in getting to know nature spirits in all their myriad forms.

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Today I got my first crystal skull, a clear quartz one with rainbows in the jawline and cranium. Immediately I held it I had an amazing experience, and this was even before I’d cleansed and consecrated it. I was holding it in my hand and stroking it when suddenly I envisioned and angel with outspread wings. not a clear image but an angel nonetheless. I felt very protected and the skull became quite hot to the touch. I know intuitively that I’m going to have some wonderful experiences with this skull and that I am meant to be its caretaker.

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I haven’t as yet done any actual meditations with it, nor discovered its name or its purpose with me but I’m sure I shall in the days to come.

Blessings
Deep~Glade

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Tuesday 1st September 2009 ~ Waxing Gibbous Moon in Aquarius

scan0006-2Today the card I pulled was Crimson Moon, which I think is very apt considering my current feelings about my daughter and my changing role. Like I said in my last post, my role with her is changing and I’m feeling the loss of being a ‘mother’ to that of being a friend. I know I’ll always be her mother but now I have to let go and let her fly on her own and make her own mistakes (as well as take responsibility for them). It’s hard for me and I feel I am grieving for my old role which has gone forever. But my new role is still in a fledgling stage so I feel particularly vulnerable, not knowing really how to handle the situation. So Crimson Moon tells me that I can go on, that I have the strength to do so and that everything will work out as it’s supposed to. My new role with my daughter will strengthen with the passing days and months if I just let go of the old and trust the new. Trust the gods and the universe. It’s also synchronistic that I drew this card today, Tuesday, and it is a waxing moon. I think doing the ritual of hope tonight would be very beneficial for me.

Blessings
Deep~Glade

Monday 31st August 2009 Update ~ Waxing Gibbous Moon in Capricorn

scan0009-2Today is a better day – at least a little bit. My daughter and I were able to have a good chat and it was good and we cleared the air a bit. I think Thunder is absolutely right in that I am mourning the ‘loss’ of my old role and trying to establish my new role as friend rather than ‘mother’. I don’t think I’d even realised I was going through the grieving process but I think she’s absolutely right. This helps me a lot to know this actually. I also think my frame of mind right now is a lot to do with not having my meds and this darn illness I’ve got (bronchitis/sinus problems and horrid cold). I’m feeling low and bogged down and then have horrible mood swings.

I also think Thunder is right in saying that the skull is coming to me at the right time. I held off a long while from purchasing it because I didn’t want it to be just another whim purchase but the pull it has on me is great and I asked my pendulum the other day if I should get it and it most definitely said yes. Certain things come into our lives at just the right time so I believe. I’m excited about bringing him/her home and looking forward to working with him/her.

Today’s card from The Enchanted Oracle Deck is Dragoness. Yes, I can be a rotten old dragon at times I’m afraid. I do try not to be though. I do have a temper on me and can be rather horrid at times. I think that this is because I get frustrated and don’t know how to release my frustration in an appropriate and positive way. Last night I really wanted to self harm by cutting myself. I was sobbing and having a huge panic attack and just wanted to release my anger and frustration at myself and my daughter through the release of my own blood. But I didn’t. I did not succumb to the urge I’m pleased to say. Instead I pounded the keyboard writing in my private journal and then went and mixed some herbs. I also did a bit of tidying up in the early hours of the morning…and I am proud of myself although the feelings of release I get when I used to cut are something I would still like to have. I’m being honest here.

Anyway, back to the Dragoness card – am I predator or prey? I think there is an unconscious inclination for me to be a bit of a predator where my daughter is concerned. Yes – I need to watch what I say and my actions. This means staying in a quiet place internally and really thinking through what I say and do before I say and do things. Not easy but I know I can do it because I’ve done it before. Sometimes though I forget with all the thoughts swirling around in my head. But today she and I were able to sit down and chat, enjoy each other’s company and clear the air. I realised that it’s my own frustration that does seem to cause a lot of the problems but I also think that at times she just is totally oblivious to the effects her actions have on me.

I am moving into a different role now where she is concerned. not so much mother (although I’ll always be her mother) but rather that of a friend. I have to let go and mourn the loss of my old role. This isn’t easy for me because I want to protect and fiercely so (like the dragon). However, today I am feeling a little more hopeful and a little more centred.

Blessings
Deep~Glade

Thursday 27th August 2009 ~ First Quarter Moon in Sagittarius

scan0004-5My card for today is Cernunnos. So today I’m going to really reach out to nature…which means just being in my back garden but that’s ok as it’s pretty wild. I keep it that way because I’ve discovered so many different species in it now…two different kinds of crickets, a plethora of lady birds, two different kinds of snails, lizards and goodness knows what else…frogs and toads I’m sure too. I’m not sure what my neighbours think of my wild garden but to be frank I don’t care. They put up a high fence so they don’t have to look at it LOL. Which is fine by me because they’ve given me more privacy by doing that. So when the housework’s done I’m going to spend some time out there. It’s amazing just sitting in the back yard for a little while how much I can notice and see, and even though it’s my back yard I do feel closer to nature and the gods; in my own little world!

I’ve been thinking too about my current 2nd Degree lesson (14) and nature spirits. It must be quite hard for people living in cities to get out into the wild, and even though I don’t live too far away from the country it isn’t that easy for me to get out into it because of my mental health issues. That’s one of the reasons why I allowed my garden to grow wild as it affords me a little bit of the ‘wild’. But to be honest I think one can contact the nature spirits anywhere. I’ve also noticed that they don’t seem to be so forthcoming where there are a lot of people about. For example, not far away from me is a large park full of trees, grass, a lake with ducks and geese. But I’ve found it quite hard to contact the nature spirits here because the place is often frequented by a lot of people especially in school holidays. I’ve found it easier to contact them in my own back yard – not actually ‘see’ them but ‘feel’ them present. However, when Meadowhawk was over here earlier this year we went to Knole Park in Sevenoaks and there I felt the nature spirits far more as the park is very large – hundreds of acres, full of unfrequented nooks, with lots of wildlife and deer, even though there is a golf course right in the middle of it. I think the reason why they are not so forthcoming in the park in Swanley is because of the attitude of the people here, who for the most part are very unconscious to this type of thing. At Knole I sensed the spirits quite definitely and at one point even saw their ‘light’, shimmering in the undergrowth.

Blessings
Deep~Glade

Saturday 22nd August 2009 ~ Waxing Crescent Moon in Virgo

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Having gone to bed reasonably early last night I am now fully awake and it’s only 4am. So I decided to pull my Enchanted Oracle card now and got Bewitching. This is the second time I’ve pulled this card since we’ve begun the Enchanted Oracle study. Has this something to do with my initiation plans? Or maybe the change in our living arrangements here at home. There could be a few things really. I feel I need to do the Raven meditation and ask for some spiritual advice. Now is the time of year when the Goddess moves slowly into her Croning aspect and it is this aspect that I seem to be drawn to the most – the one in which I gain most helps and guidance. Not that I don’t from the others too but definitely the Goddess as Crone.

Blessings
Deep~Glade

 

 

 

Artwork: Jessica Galbreith

Tuesday 18th August 2009 ~ Waning Crescent Moon in Cancer

Yesterday’s card was Lavender Moon. At first I just didn’t know how this applied to me but suddenly I thought about how I have, for some time, been wondering whether or not I should initiate into Sacred Mists or not. For many weeks now I’ve researched, wondered, prayed, meditated and talked to Meadowhawk about this, and been confused about it all. But really the time for all that is over and I now need to make my decision, or rather as the card says:

Quote:
Be alone…and measure against nothing but your own heart. Only then will you know what’s right for you. 

In this matter I need to do what is right for ME and no one else!

Today’s card is Dark Queen and again I was wondering about the application of it but then I thought about something that has been affecting me for a little while on the mundane but also spiritual level. Elendil has a new boyfriend, who is a lovely young man, and seems to be right on the level. They’ve recently been talking about finding their own place and moving in together, even though they’ve only been dating for a few months. I was a bit concerned about this because of the short while they’ve been dating and Elendil’s problems but I decided to take a back seat as I’d already promised myself I wouldn’t interfere in her life as it causes me and her too many problems. So they’ve been looking for properties to rent but then last night they asked me if he could move in here as a temporary measure only – a year at the most. Now I had been looking forward to time on my own to really start doing the things I wanted to do but then I got a message from Daily Om last night telling me how sharing one’s home can be a blessing. I was wondering why all this had come up now and had been looking at all the negatives without really looking at the positives. I really do not know why his moving in has come at this time. Maybe it’s not time for Elendil to move out yet and this time together could be a time for them to get to know each other. There are financial benefits of course but that’s not the main thing concerning me. I was worried about how I would cope mentally with him living here. however, after talking it through with Meadowhawk and meditating on it I have decided to give it a go for 6 months with a view to reviewing the arrangement again after a year. And I’ve set ground rules and a fair rent. I talked to Elendil’s boyfriend this morning and he is happy with all I’ve laid down…so we will see. I still don’t know the reason but right now I’m willing to allow things to just unfold.

However, I’m still not really sure all that pertains to this card.

Blessings
Deep~Glade

Saturday 15th August 2009 ~ Waning Crescent Moon in Gemini

So, today’s drawn card from The Enchanted Oracle deck was The Green Man, which speaks of sacrifice. As the day wore on I couldn’t relate to it…what sacrifices have I made today? I couldn’t think of any. And then Elendil came home with her boyfriend and asked if he could stay a couple of days because things aren’t going well where he is living now. So of course I said yes. I suppose this is a kind of sacrifice, giving up my peace and quiet and space for another. But it’s a small sacrifice and no biggie really. Elendil is not very happy with me at present though and I think she forgets just how many sacrifices I’ve made for her over her life – I guess just as a parent should and I’m not at all resentful of doing so. It’s just that when she forgets it hurts me a little and I do feel kind of resentful. Anyway, that’s my thoughts for today. I’m too tired to write any more.

Blessings
Deep~Glade