Well, here I am again. Not really feeling that great actually. My moods have been swinging around a lot recently and I’ve been feeling very tired. One minute I’m feeling ok, then the next am in tears and feeling quite low and then feeling ok again. Very disconcerting! Plus my money has run out again and I don’t get my next disability check until next Tuesday. Food is non-existent for me and I’m feeling hungry. Sometimes it gets like this, not very often but sometime everything just runs out and I have to subsist on very little for a few days. But I’ll get through it – I always do!
I’ve passed Lesson 16 (2nd Degree) and now have permission to move on to Lesson 17 – to do with Dreams. This should be interesting. I used to always write down my dreams and study them but this is something I’ve not done in a long while, what with everything else I’m working on. Some things just get crowded out I guess. It will be good to begin to work with them again. I always seem to have very vivid dreams and dream lucidly practically all the time. I need to begin to pay attention to them again.
Sometimes I think – oh no, not something else I have to do!. It seems I’m always working on so much, a never ending learning and doing process but that’s what life is isn’t it. But I get all screwed up that I won’t be able to accomplish it all. That’s my biggest fear. silly I know as I have the rest of my life and it isn’t a race. But I still get myself a little bent out of shape over it sometimes.
To be honest the past few days I’ve just been finding myself vegging out in front of the TV, or reading some fiction book. right now I’m reading Algernon Blackwood’s ‘Weird Tales’. My favourite authors are him and Lovecraft. Maybe I just need this time out. It’s only been a week or so since my operation and I guess I just need to recuperate a little more perhaps. Everything is fine where that’s concerned though. The ‘holes’ have healed nicely and no scabbing or anything. However, a couple of the wounds have a tiny stitch in them that don’t seem to be dissolving.
Anyway, this weekend I plan on doing my 2nd Shamanic journey. This time to meet my Guardian Spirit or Power Animal. I need to remember to keep an open and receptive mind when doing this journey because the Guardian Spirit who presents itself may not be the one I expect, or want. No room for the ego here! There are certain animals who I have been strongly attracted to, most recently Fox, but this doesn’t necessarily mean Fox is my Guardian Spirit. Sure, Fox is definitely a Spirit Helper but, well we shall have to wait and see. So watch this space…LOL
Next week Meadowhawk will be here and I’m SO EXCITED! We go to Heathrow Airport next Saturday to meet him. Then 6 weeks of his wonderful company. I’ve missed him so much these last few months and it will be such a huge blessing to have him with me for a while. And to spend Yule and the New Year with him too. I’m greatly looking forward to it all.