My instructor for the Shamanism class replied to my efforts in the tracking exercise.Apparently I need to continue to do it until animal features come through. Last night I did the tracking exercise again, this time for a much longer time. Again I saw older images, female and male with moustache and beard but then I began to see female younger images, not young as in childlike, but much younger. They looked rather like teenage. I’m afraid I saw no animal like features but on three occasions my face began to fragment, like a jig saw puzzle all put together wrong, and it was as though something was trying to ‘push through’. I also got a strong sense of a bison or buffalo but never actually saw its features.
As for me being sceptical I guess I just felt it wouldn’t work for me, like I would fail at it somehow. It is disappointing I’ve seen no animal features but I will continue with this exercise. It is absolutely fascinating and I feel it’s showing me how worn out and old my perspectives actually are.
As for the 100 Day Sacred Mists Challenge – well, I’ve decided to do it. I’m still concerned that I will fail at this too. but then I see that this is me all over – no confidence in myself. I always think I’m going to fail before I even set out. Like when Meadowhawk was over and we went log/tree climbing. Immediately I thought I would fail, that I would fall off. Well, I did actually fall off in the end but the point is I had no confidence in myself from the beginning. I think I set myself up to fail and this colours everything I do. But when I look back there are many things I have succeeded at…passing my 1st Degree and becoming initiated, getting my Bachelors Degree, Have been successful in achieving my Crystal Healing and Herbalism diplomas…and much more. I just doubt myself. It’s almost as if I’m saying to myself ‘well I’m going to fail at this anyway so…’ This is completely wrong thinking and I know it. So I have written an affirmation for myself to use for the 100 Day Challenge and not only for that but for myself in all things:
EACH DAY I REMEMBER I AM A POWERFUL WITCH AND ALL THINGS ARE ACHIEVABLE.
I’ve posted this right above my computer so I can see/read it each day and it’s ‘in my face’.