Well I thought I’d just write a little something here as I’m waiting to leave to go to the hospital again to have my scan. I am feeling a little anxious and spaced out…because I don’t want to go and have anxiety about it. I HATE going to the hospital!
So, I have been thinking about the card I pulled yesterday from the Enchanted Oracle deck – Spirit of Samhain and what it means. I think this is focusing on my relationship with Elendil. When she was little she suffered a bit of neglect because I was in and out of psychiatric hospital. Oh, she wasn’t neglected physically, my mother looked after her as did some friends of mine and they did a good job but she needed her mom and I wasn’t there for her. Then her illness got really bad and I’ve been caring for her ever since. Now she is more stable but I always think the slightest thing will knock her back and so I try and control her and save her from making mistakes that might hurt her. In reality I cannot do that, I have to let her live her life as she wants. I can only guide. So our relationship is changing but I’ve been trying to keep it the same and it hasn’t worked. I have to let go which is really hard for me to do. I worry so much about her. I need to let go and trust in the God and Goddess and in the cycles of the Universe. Our old relationship is ending and a new one is beginning but as yet it hasn’t really begun, which is why I am feeling so uncomfortable. I need to give time for things to unfold at their natural pace and not try to force things into what I think they should be.