The last day of July and the weird thing is I can already smell a faint scent of autumn in the air…it may be my imagination though. Am I all prepared for Lughnassadh? Well, nearly but not really. I’ve practically finished my altar but I’ve not baked my bread like I was going to. I’m afraid I’ve just not had the time, which is a shame because I was kind of looking forward to it. Never mind, I’m going to bake some scones this afternoon instead and I’ve got a nice bottle of cider for the libation. Elendil and I still have to do our herbal offering bowls but that won’t take much time.
Then the biggie tonight at 8pm. I’m doing the meditation at the early Lughnassadh ritual. I guess I’m a little nervous now but excited too. I’ve read through my meditation and it’s as good as I can get it. I just hope everyone else likes it. I’ve never given a meditation at a Sabbat ritual before so this is a big occasion for me. I must just remember to allow everyone time to ‘read’ the words and not go too fast; I know just how annoying and frustrating that is.
I’m kind of worried about Meadowhawk. His paid work has dried up and he still isn’t out of the old house. I know he’s finding everything really stressful now and I’m sure he’s depressed and I just worry about him. I know there isn’t any point in worrying but I do – I love him so dearly. I’m glad he is going to live with his mom – well in his mom’s house but he has a self contained basement. It will be much cheaper for him to live there but I worry about his job. There are all sorts of problems at the moment and he needs to be able to make some money. Of course this diabolical recession is what is making it so hard, not just for him but for everyone. I guess I could say at least he isn’t the only one but there’s not much comfort in that is there.
I want him to relax and I don’t think he really relaxes enough. He’s always busy doing…doing…doing but he needs to take the opportunity to really relax and I hope that once he’s moved he will give himself some chill out time as it will be much needed.
Elendil and her new boyfriend seem to be doing really well. He is a lovely young man and I like him but I wish Elendil would be more balanced in her life. She says she’s going to be but when? She is missing out on so many important things she used to do, things that were important for herself, her sense of well being. I guess I just need to shut up about it because going on about it doesn’t seem to be helping at all. It’s really hard for me to stop trying to control the situation. I give her good advice and she doesn’t seem to want to take it, so all the time I’m just waiting for things to crash and that really stresses me out. Of course she is young and wants to live her own life so I suppose I’m just finding it very hard to let go. But it doesn’t help that she is so vulnerable, even though she is strong too. I guess I just have to be here for her.