It’s been ages since I’ve written in here. So many things to talk about, I don’t know where to begin. Probably I should start with the honour I’ve just received from Sacred Mists Student Spotlight Committee. I was awarded the Golden Pentacle Award, which is to recognise brothers and sisters in the Mists for various things. I was so happy to receive it because sometimes it feels as if I go unnoticed here. Anyway, this made me feel really great – so thank you so very much.
Another thing that really made my day was the wonderful message Soliterri left in my journal. I feel very honoured for that too. Teaching is never about arrogance but I know exactly what she means. Some people think that because they know something another doesn’t it makes them haughty. But the thing is I don’t see myself as a ‘teacher’. I learn alongside my students, and I facilitate their learning and my own too. It is a shared journey, which for me is as it should be. It gives me a lot of pleasure and satisfaction to facilitate the Oracle Studies board and when I get wonderful feedback from students it makes it even better.
Yesterday I spent a few hours in the hospital having a gastroscopy exam (an endoscopy). But everything went well and I could really feel the calming and positive energy sent to me by my dear brothers and sisters. I was really nervous about going and didn’t want to go as I absolutely hate hospitals but it all went like a breeze really. I did feel rather sleepy from the sedative when I got home though and later on my stomach began to hurt but nothing serious and today I’m ok. So apparently I have a small hiatus hernia, which I didn’t know about, and the ulcer, which I did. Now I’ve got to go back to have yet another scan done because the doctor wants a better one done apparently. After that I have to discuss how to proceed with the consultant and then it’s probably going to be operation time…what fun!
I volunteered to write the meditation for the early Lughnassadh ritual on the 31st, and did that last night. This will then be added to my ‘book’ of meditations. I love the process of writing meditations, allowing myself to ‘see’ into a new environment, to actually ‘feel’ myself there too. It gives me a chance to use really descriptive, evocative words, which I think I’m really good at doing. Anyway, I have a growing collection of meditations I’ve written now. My plan is to write one for each of the Sabbats, the Elements, a couple of nature energy ones and then write some specific rites of passage ones, like for handfastings, wiccanings etc. I’ve tentatively thought about publishing with Lulu but I’ve got to get them all written first. Anyway, I’m enjoying the process but have to keep reminding myself that this is a journey in itself and I don’t need to rush it. It’s an ongoing project.
Anyway, I’m really looking forward to presenting my meditation at the ritual. I’ve never done this before and am excited but nervous too…a Sabbat ritual no less. But I feel I need to begin to participate more in the facilitating of rituals if I want to journey on to the 3rd Degree, which I know is some time off yet. There is so much to do and learn and sometimes I panic and get worried that I won’t get it all done in time but really there is no dead line is there? I have the whole of my life on this journey.
On a more mundane note – I got my new glasses the other day and am very pleased with them. I’ve got a pair for every day wear, which have transaction lenses so I can use them as sunglasses too (if we ever get anymore sun here!) and a superb pair of reading glasses. These are wonderful and it means I no longer have to peer through a magnifying glass to read, and can actually see the computer screen now…excellent! Of course I have to keep swapping them about but that’s no worries…I’d rather have two pairs than have bifocals, which make me feel old. I know that’s silly but it’s vanity I guess…LOL
Everything is fine with me and Meadowhawk He is still in the process of moving and it is taking its toll as he has so much to sort through and he has to work full time as well. He is rapidly disappearing up his own backside I think but taking one day at a time and is slowly getting there. Today he is moving a lot of stuff to his new place and taking Cinnabar the cat too, and the cat doesn’t travel well poor sweetie. He is old and this is a massive change for him as it is for Meadowhawk too but I feel sure that things will settle down soon and all will be good. I only wish I were there to lend Meadowhawk a helping hand as he has to do all this practically single handed, which is no fun at all. But he’s getting there.
Elendil Star has a new boyfriend and he seems a very nice young man, with a great sense of humour too. He works and has a job in our local supermarket. I hope he and Elendil will be happy but I do still worry about my dear daughter. She needs to keep her balance and we all know how hard that is to do sometimes. But all I can do is keep encouraging her. It’s hard for me sometimes to relinquish control and allow her to find things out for herself. Plus she is still very vulnerable and unsure of herself. Sometimes she complains I don’t trust her enough but this is not the case. I am her mother and with all she’s been through and her illness I just worry so much about her and don’t want to see her get into a sticky situation and get hurt. But I cannot keep her locked away either. I cannot protect her 100% and I don’t even feel that would be healthy. But it’s hard for me to know when to let go and just let things be.
Study-wise everything is chugging along nicely. I am still on Lesson 2 of the Historical Paganism course and it has proved to be far more in depth than I ever imagined. I haven’t written in my course diary for some time now but that’s not to say I’m not doing anything because a lot is going on behind the scenes. I’m now on Lesson 12 of the 2nd Degree although to be honest I’ve been so taken up with the other course I’ve not even looked properly at it yet. Then there’s the new Oracle Study to prepare for. We are going to be studying The Enchanted Oracle by Jessica Galbreith and it looks a wonderful deck. To be honest I wasn’t too sure at first but I’ve now looked at the cards and read the companion book and it all looks really exciting, so I cannot wait to begin. The new study should start the middle of August and I’m looking forward to it.