Tuesday 23rd June 2009 ~ Waxing Crescent Moon in Cancer

Nope, I didn’t go to therapy today. I’m feeling really rotten with really painful sinus pain and headache behind my eyes. Actually I feel really grotty so haven’t been out at all but have slept most of the day in a darkened room. Such a shame as the weather outside is gorgeous.

Anyway, I am working through this book called BE A GODDESS by Francesca De Grandis. She writes in the Celtic Faery Tradition and there are week by week assignments. The first assignment is to do the Blessing of the Path ritual whenever I do my Wiccan work. It’s an invocation to the Goddess and God and written rather beautifully. But I was thinking of using it as a morning devotion too seeing as all my daily work should be offered up to the God and Goddess. I don’t just live part of my life as a Wiccan and the other part as something non-spiritual and mundane. My whole life is spiritual is it not? So to begin my day with the Blessing of the Path ritual seems right to me.

My rune for this week is SOWILO – the sun rune, rune of goals, of good guidance and honour. I thought this was rather fitting as we’ve just passed Litha.

So how can I promote solar energy? Well to me solar energy is positive, energetic, strong, warming, optimistic, dynamic. These are the effects I get from the sun. sometimes it’s hard for me to promote these things because of the nature of my mental illness but I am determined to keep on trying. For example, I could dwell on the negatives that happen but there are always positives if you just look hard for them. I could wallow in my feelings for missing Meadowhawk, and then the days would pass by with me in a great depression. Or I could miss him (an obvious natural feeling) but not let it swallow me up and go through the days doing things and getting pleasure from the days that pass until he’s here again. I think the second is a far better option.

How about energy? Well I’m not too great at being really energetic (as Meadowhawk and Elendil will tell you) but my goal of trying to get out at least three times a week is a good one at least for me right now. I have to admit that since Meadowhawk has gone back I have gone back to being somewhat of a recluse again. I can’t really explain it but it just feels safe in my house, comfortable even though this comfort is not really good for me. When Meadowhawk was here he more or less forced me to go out but in a very kind and loving way, and I’m very glad he did because it proved to me that I can do it and feel good about it. But now I feel as though I’ve gone backwards again to a certain extent. I thought I would be able to keep up the pace he set but alas I can’t.

I know that during the waning and dark moon phase my energy is always at a minimum but now we are on the waxing phase of the moon I feel it gradually returning to me.

What about good guidance (or advice). Recently I was able to give some advice to a fellow Misty…at least I hope it was good advice and it was well meant and came from my heart. This place is a wonderful place to give and receive good heartfelt advice and guidance and I am eternally grateful for it. Also, being here has helped me hone my skills at giving advice, so I feel I’m better at doing it.

Sowilo is also the rune of goals. Well I feel as if my goals have become rather mixed up during the year and I know that a couple of them are unrealistic now. For example, I was aiming to complete the 2nd Degree this year but I know that is not going to happen now but that’s ok. I feel the longer time I spend doing it will be worthwhile. I’ve realised that for me at least it is better to set smaller, more achievable goals throughout the year, rather than say one big one to be achieved at the year’s end. Rather like having a path with marker stones dotted along it. That works better for me.

But I feel I have achieved a lot this year so far. I have ventured out of my comfort zone and survived and I’m very proud of myself and know I can do it again. I am feeling much better about myself, learning to accept myself and yes, even love myself. I have been able to come off the antipsychotic meds, which is a great step for me and I’m very thankful for it. I also have come off sleeping meds too. So even though my achievements aren’t necessarily tangible but more mental and emotional they mean an awful lot to me and I’m very proud of myself.

Of course I’ve had a lot of help along the way, from my dearest daughter Elendil Star and my wonderful partner Meadowhawk – Thank you for believing in me and supporting me every step of the way. From everyone here at Sacred Mists, my true spiritual home. From my therapy group and my therapist. I have wonderful support networks and in that I’m extremely blessed. But really my support wouldn’t have been possible without the love and care of The Goddess and God, who I’ve felt near me at all times. Even those times when I’ve felt really low they have been there, even if I couldn’t feel them at that precise moment. I’ve realised that they never leave me but rather it’s me who pulls away from them.

Anyway, I think that’s enough for today.



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