Well, today I was supposed to go to the hospital for a scan and blood tests to be done but I cancelled. The reason – my moon time is here and I spent all last night in a lot of pain despite a hot water bottle and pain killers, had little sleep and this morning just felt totally lousy. so I rang the hospital up and they are going to reschedule for 3 weeks time.
I know in reality that it is ok to do this if I’m not feeling well but I can’t help feeling a failure and if possibly I’ve self-sabotaged myself again. But I’m determined to NOT beat myself up over this as that would be completely counter productive. I have some chores to do around the house and doing them will at least help me feel as if I’ve done something productive today. But I’m also feeling very tired and unwell…my moon times are always yukky, especially the first couple of days.
I feel though I have achieved quite a bit this week so far. I had a lovely day with Elendil down the park on Monday, and went to my therapy yesterday. After therapy I went with a couple of the others in my group for a coffee in a local cafe here and it was very nice doing that. That is something I would not have done in the past, so that in itself is a big improvement.
I think I have to realise that I am going to have setbacks and glitches along the way, and not be too hard on myself. Otherwise I’m going to think’ why bother’ and will end up back at square one again. So I need to be kind to myself on those days that things don’t quite go to plan, like today.